Vulture Culture

I find it astonishing what people believe as reported in the media. Much of what we read in the media is often of scandal, despair, hopelessness and fear; I call it Vulture Culture. Recently, I have noticed this as it relates to the H1N1 hype within the past few months. Now, health officials' estimate 97% of the diagnosed cases of influenza are H1N1. Here is my take on the Vulture Culture of H1N1.

1. STAGE ONE - HYSTERIA: WHO (World Health Organization) releases a travel advisory because OMG we are ALL going to die. Stay home, the world is over, this is Armageddon!!! If you value any kind of future, do not leave your home, stock-pile supplies and for goodness sake, don't travel anywhere, wash your hands and whatever you do, avoid pork and pork bi-products at all costs.
2. STAGE TWO - PANIC: Only half of the population will die; cease shaking hands, avoid personal contact with strangers and axe teammanship at youth sporting events in the form of hugging or kissing! Reduce time spent in public places and participate in only necessary business travel. Be at your own risk of consuming pork products.
3. STAGE THREE - DANCING WITH THE STARS SEASON PREMIER: OK, only a chosen few will succumb to this virus. Make sure you execute all possible manoeuvres to acquire a place in the inoculation line ups at designated public centres. Please be advised this may expose you to others with the virus of which are not showing symptoms. Special exceptions for the vaccination will be offered to Calgary Flames hockey players or people of upper social significance or wealth. Pork; what did that have to do with H1N1 anyway?!
4. STAGE FOUR - WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? The H1N1 symptoms are similar to those of the seasonal flu. For most healthy bodies, you are not required to seek medical attention and most physicians are diagnosing via phone to reduce cross infection in medical centres. Ensure you get lots of rest and consume a large level of non-alcoholic fluids. Enjoy a nourishing ham and scalloped potato dinner.